Letters, to the Men I Have Loved

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“Letters, to the Men I Have Loved” by Mirtha Michelle Castro Marmol
(First publication: 2014 / This edition: Outskirts Press 2014)
Taken during a Sunday catch-up session with my best friend at Featherstones Cafe

The desire of wanting clarity
Without it driving me to insanity

I got this book a little over a year ago. I first heard about her from an IG post by one of my favorite models and inspirational people, Adriana Lima. I went on Mirtha Michelle Castro Marmol’s (or #MMCM) IG account and was intrigued by her poetry.

Fortunately I was able to find a copy of her book at Kinokuniya during my trip back to Bangkok that winter break (I was still in university in Tokyo). I kind of picked it up and paid for it, without even flipping through it first—that’s how much faith I had in this book.

I’ve gone through the entire book 2-3 times already. I just went through it again recently—there was just this urge to. And it might not be the wisest decision to read this with a heartache, because her poetry really makes you feel. I love poetry but I seldom come across ones that just really strike me. (Think Pablo Neruda and Rumi.)

MMCM takes you through her experiences—ones that have shaped her and built her to make her the strong goddess she is today—in these umbrella chapters, of “Lust”, “Love”, “Wisdom”, “Forgiveness”, “Passion”, “Resentment”, etc.

Her poems are more on the gloomier side, I guess—every time I read something from this book, I reflect them with my own experiences and feelings and get pretty depressed/distraught. Sometimes I end up just literally bawling my eyes out. Not kidding. (Judgement-free zone on this blog.) But that’s what makes her poetry so great—she makes you feel so relateable to each experience and each poem feels like a therapy session, where you’re letting yourself explore and think about your own emotions as well as you read.

Her poetry makes me feel.

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Here are some of my favorites—either excerpts, lines, or full poems:

It is said that when soulmates meet there is an unspoken understanding of one another, and when they lay with each other there is no greater joy than that. Something special occurred when our bodies came together. A certain alchemy that confirmed we knew each other in a previous time […] (pg.2)

Maktub

Love me as I love you.
Not with ego,
But with heart, mind, and soul.
Let my scent become your addiction,
And my eyes become your windows.
Dream of me,
I’ll be your muse,
Out of the waters,
This Naiad was born to please you.
Let my face be a constant glare,
And my body your haunting shadow.
Let my smile give you peace of mind,
While my lips bring you life.
Let our history become a story,
Of love transcending every barrier.
Sands and sea,
Won’t come between us,
Our fates collided for a reason.
Never dubious, never intimidated,
Because our story… it was written. (pg.26)

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The Angel

His distinct natural smell.
I loved to smell the soap off his bare chest.
The way our minds synced,
only we understand each other.
We lived a dream within a dream,
sometimes painful
but sometimes full of desire.
We moved together,
as two people who only had each other.
And we loved each other in moments
we will never have again.
Because love can be great
but king and queen in chess never together stay.
One must die as sacrifice for the other.
Although my love for him was the greatest I ever felt,
I refused to die just yet,
I chose to keep on living,
To him a ghost I must remain,
but in my heart I’ll be an angel
who will forever guard his steps. (pg.63)

Being in sync with the one you love has to be once of the most beautiful feelings a human being can ever experience. (pg.55)

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Dusk and Dawn

You and I are dusk and dawn.
Pitch dark,
Yet clear as the purest water.
We are night and day.
We need each other
in the same exact way.
I need you
How the night needs the day to rise.
You need me
How the day needs for the night to fall.
Our story is one of love.
A love that rises and that falls.
We rise and we fall.
With the same impossibility
the day and night suffer from.
We are gifted and cursed,
For we cannot dwell with each other. (pg.97)

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How Beautiful You Are To Me

I can chase the moon East
A hundred miles per hour.
Run dozens of red lights
Without any necessary caution.
And fear won’t abide
As long as you are by my side.

I can drive through windy roads
In the South of France,
Panoramic views,
Straight out of movie screens,
And excitement won’t exist
Unless it is you next to me.

I can swim through coral reefs,
And hike the tallest mountain peak,
Reach for stars that feel so close,
As if they are falling above me.
And nothing will compare

To how beautiful you are to me. (pg.105)

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You can find out more about the poet here on her website.

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