Elusive Loves

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“Elusive Loves” by Mirtha Michelle Castro Marmol
(First publication: 2016 / This edition: Outskirts Press 2016)
Taken during a Sunday brunch with my good friend at Brekkie

The vibrant memory
of us and those decadent nights
in which passion was our only high.

I’ve been in a reading slump for a while—and I’ve also been on a 2-week trip, so haven’t had that much time to read. I’ve mostly just been reading poetry.

I’m a big fan of MMCM. I recently published a blog post about her first book, “Letters, to the Men I Have Loved”. I said that that one really got to me—made me so emotional and made me feel so much.

After writing that blog post, I went on her website and discovered that she had a second book out—”Elusive Loves”—so, of course, immediately, ASAP’ed, ordered the book and impatiently waited for it to arrive.

Again, I was pulled into words and verses of such emotional and deep feelings—however, I didn’t feel “as much” as I did when I read “Letters, to the Men I Have Loved”. I think it depends on what personal situation I go through when I read love poems. For “Letters, to the Men I Have Loved”, the first time I read it, I was hopelessly in love and yearning for that one person—of course reading it would bring me to tears and make me have PMS symptoms even if I wasn’t having actual PMS. The second time I went through that book, I had just gotten out of a relationship, so…again with all the tears and heart strings pulled.

With “Elusive Loves”, I read it after a period of confusing, messy, wild, exciting, and adrenaline-rushy, infatuate-y situation. The time was amazing in its way and nature, but… oh how much I can relate to Summer in “500 Days of Summer” right now.

“Elusive Loves” is broken up into four sections, “Spring”, “Summer”, “Autumn”, “Winter”. Each one has its own love- and relationship-related theme, such as being delirious in love, infatuation, heartaches, break-ups, lust, etc. All are beautifully written, and I have so much admiration for MMCM’s flow of words.

However, that being said, I just didn’t “feel” so much this time—except bitterness. If I feel that “there’s no such thing as love, it’s fantasy”, obviously I’m not gonna “buy” this whole love thing. While I admire the writing, I just feel so indifferent and I don’t feel anything.

I blame this on my own personal situation rather than on the writing though.

The “lesson” I was taught (or persuaded to believe) from the recent experience was that you have to “let go” of everyone and not be attached to anyone and that everyone will pretty much just go. Destiny and fate are not real. People aren’t meant to “belong” to each other. And the central “thesis” of all this just goes against everything in this book.

I still recommend this book—to those that have read “Letters, to the Men I Have Loved” and liked it, and those that just like reading love poems (a believer of love, that is. *sigh.*)

…..

Here are a few of my favorite lines and poems from the book:

We are seduced by a combination of words, beauty, and the simple idea of love. We fall far too easy for those men who make us feel. If love is a many splendoured thing, vulnerability is then an inexplicable thing. It is the fear of crashing and the fear of falling. (pg.48)

Experience:
I am certain I can go days
weeks, months, and years
without seeing your face.
I know I can live
without once again
feeling your embrace.
Because experience has taught me
that the memory of you will suffice.
The vibrant memory
of us and those decadent nights
in which passion was our only high. (pg.119)

Memories:
As the years go by
I pray my memories stay intact.
So I may relive all the decadence
I lived at one point in time.
Mental photographs
Of how my heart was touched
Under moons and bright clear skies.
Playing under sheets
Back when all we had were dreams.
Dancing into the night
Full of youth we felt alive.
Births and deaths
Always came with change
But in my memories they still remain.
I pray my memories stay intact
Could you imagine
How sad it’d be
If I couldn’t remember the memory
Of you and I? (pg.121)

Infatuation:
If part of me wasn’t a proud being
I would honestly confide in him the truth.
The truth of how I love his contagious smile
And his perfect teeth.
The truth of how I love his perfect hair
That reminds me of ebony in the spring.
Spring because when I see him
Feelings begin to bloom out of me.
Certain butterflies
Begin to circle
Motions I forgot exist.
Infatuated I have become
With his lips
And how well
They sync with mine.
I must kiss them
Again and again
Very sober
So I won’t forget
The way they taste
The way they feel
Discovering every inch
Of my cold, cold flesh. (pg.31)

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